A grotesquely awesome day in Warriors collab
by C. O. Rosette
Summary: Collab with Smileyfoot. About some awesome OCs we made up. WARNING: INAPROPRIATE CONTENT! Disclaimer: We don't own Warrior cats or anything lese copyrighted/patendted in the story. Damn. Check out Smileyfoot's profile!


A morbidly obese fat, stupid cat with dark brown ears, a dark brown oversized chest, dark brown paws, and a dark brown tail tip walked in. The rest of her was light brown, and her fat eyes were crossed in the usual, "I'M TOO STUPID TO LIVE" expression.

She was, by some stupid plot twist, the fat, stupid deputy of ThunderClan many generations after Jayfeather, Lionblaze, and Dovewing died. Purdy was still around even now, though, complaining about how apprentices used to actually be worth his rambling before that bitch became Deputy.

"Alphalightnyng!" Scarletstar screeched as he hauled ass out of his den, "Alphalightnyng, I'm a figurehead so organize patrols and do all the work for me! AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH, YOU SLUTTY WENCH." The duped-out brown cat nodded sideways and threw up in reply. "K. Rosepetal, U go hunting with Ravinclaw. I'ma go betray my Clan for some ugly-ass ShadowClan cat who looks like Balto for whatever dumb-ass reason!111!11!" Rosepetal, a tiny, adorable little kitten-faced and kitten-sized tortishell and white warrior fluffed out her pelt and smacked Alphalightnyng upside her oversized, saggy ass-face. "I'LL CUT YOU!" she screeched menacingly, waving a broken beer bottle. Scarletstar ate his geto chicken and kool-aid as he cheered for his secret daughter. "Go, Rosepetal! Shank 'dat ho!"

But instead Rosepetal wandered out of camp to go eat stuff she wasn't supposed to and invited one of her dear friends, Maulestia, into the Clan Camp and told her to teach the kits stalking techniques. As the little warrior blew away in the wind eventhough it's impossible, Maulestia strode into camp. Her brown fur looked like Alphalightnyng's but messed up in a GOOD way. She was missing her back left paw and resembled the Pedo-Bear greatly, but for whatever reason nobody was concerned with her dragging forty three lazy-ass kits out of the nursery and behind a bush to beat them. After those filthy little rats had been smacked around and aroused a little bit, (NOT THAT WAY, STUPID ASS HOLE.)

Maulestia sank to the ground sadistically. "Now kits," her voice was quiet and motherly, with a horny edge at the back, "This is how you stalk someone." She gestured to a runty white tom kit and roared, "RUN YOU LITTLE BITCH-NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO I'LL FIND YOU!" The little tom, Winterkit, begain running. He was blind in his left eye and deaf in his right ear, and he had NO legs. He was pretty much a pillow with a head. "I'm more than half useless!" he wailed as he rolled to the nursery, snagging himself in several thorns, thistles, brambles, catching his paws and face in poison oak and poison ivy, and accidentally crapping all over the place as he slowly caked himself in mud and crap on the way. "Boy, that kit crap smells. I can track him easily, and he can't put up a fight! This is what every Maulestia strives for," the beautifully grotesque she-cat informed the other kits.

Then one brave little tom, half black and half white, named MJkit, stepped forward. "Winterkit is my brother- what are you going to do to him?" He asked timidly, afraid of the reply. Maulestia wrapped her tail around him and answered excitedly, "COME WITH ME AND YOU SHALL SEE. I'LL TAKE YOU ALL TO AWESOME LAND AND SHOW YOU SOMETHING AMAZING!" MJkit wasn't convinced. Damn. Now he was useless, and he couldn't even sing very well. Figures. Maulestia overdosed him on some crap and claimed it was to ease his pain them moved on. "ALPHALIGHTNING, YOU GORTESQUE CRAP BAG! Come here and help me with something, won't you?" The stupid she-deputy stumbled and fell forward until she was ass-to-face with Maulestia. "Hi!" she farted, "What can I do for you?" Maulestia leaped backward and gagged. "You're the only dumb-shit cat I know who's fat enough to have butt cheeks! Now, you CDFS crap bag, keep these kits busy while I have some fun with the more than half useless one. Tell them that RiverClan is invading and they all need to jump in the river and drown, then join StarClan and fight. If they refuse, stick them to the thorn barrio and I'll play with them later."

So thus the CDFS deputy did as she was told and drown a bunch of kits, then stuck the rest to the thorn barrier. "The thing I wuz told tuh dew wuz ackamplishd. Arint yoo prauwd uv me, Scakrlistawr?" Alphalyghtning durpped happily. Scarletstar exploded in anger then his tail crawled over, bitch-slapped Alphalyghtning to death, and then she went to HellClan. (The new Dark Forest for all the other dumb-shits like her.)

And the kits were misused happlily ever after by Maulestia, under the supervision of the leader who would actually work, Rosestar.

THE END.


End file.
